I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter.
One handed motorcycle racing at 80mph. This happened in the race yesterday. No need to understand who these guys are or what the situation was, but just know that there's a guy at near-full lean going 80+mph in a really tight pack of riders with one hand on the bars. Unbelievable. -hendred
Self-described "sovereign citizens" take the position that they are answerable only to English common law and are not subject to any statutes or proceedings at the federal, state or municipal levels. They especially reject most forms of taxation as illegitimate.
As per our conversation, I believe these to be the most "vital" talking points for our alumni to hit on when sending letters
- Their positive experiences as a member of PiKA and what the house (and Greek Life) has done for them and what PiKA currently means to them
- Quickly hitting on the facts of the case. That they feel the penalty was unjust. Maybe also hitting on their complete disregard for their judicial process (more information below) and how they feel their actions are setting poor examples for the CMU community
- Alumni's current support (either financially or through word of mouth to other people) of the university and how that would change
Points to potentially touch on with the process:
- first time in the University's judicial system that a 2nd board has been reconvened without new evidence being presented. The fact they used last March's events against the fraternity even though no university charges or responsibility was found against the chapter
- lack of charges filed against the underage students who drank in their dorms that night. Not to mention against the individual who purchased the alcohol or the RA on duty. Lack of responsibility on the individuals who were directly involved with this kid getting extremely drunk to begin with
- harshness of penalty: We were not on probation when this event occurred which is against the normal procedure of giving organizations a chance to rectify mistakes.
People who these emails/letters should be sent to
President Jared Cohon: firstname.lastname@example.org Michael Murphy: VP of Campus Affairs: email@example.com Gina Casalegno - Dean of Student Affairs: firstname.lastname@example.org
Letters could also be sent (Would need to be sent ASAP through FedEx)
Carnegie Mellon University Office of the President 5000 Forbes Avenue Pittsburgh, PA 15213
Phone calls could be made to 412-268-2000 (Office of the President)
Thanks Tom. Let me know if there is any more information that I can provide or if there is anything else I can do.
Belgium is worse than Iraq? I think that word "worse" doesn't mean what you think it means.
Dude, my brother just got back from his second tour of Belgium. His unit was at Grooenplatz in Antwerp when the shit went down, and he has to live the rest of his life remembering how his friends got rude stares and even cold service in stores.
The other day we took the subway and he lost his shit at the Airport stop. First some little girl was eating french fries and my brother started sweating. I didn't know this, but the Belgians are so nasty that they use child soldiers-- the child offers you a frite or foil-wrapped chocolate and then when you go to take it, they pull it away and laugh.
Then some guy wearing a hat got on with luggage. My bro thought it was an Orthodox Jew carrying a suitcase full of diamonds and we had to leave the train and go get a cab. This how he lives every day. The military hasn't been following through on their promises to help him either.
This is all fucking Bush's fault, too. The administration falsified all that "evidence" about Belgium's threat to the US and the god damn Times fed it to the public. We all know that the war was about a limited resource that the United States is desperate for-- Trappist Ale.
The things of special interest to me are Orlando opting out of federal security, the book "My First Cavity Search", and Chertoff, 2nd cousin of Skeletor abusing the system in a most patriotic fashion. -hendred
Flipping through the channels last night, I found this:
This dude had just been called out for cheating, and then proceeds to kick out a window and punches his girlfriend in the nose. The clip doesn't show it, but he actually escapes and runs from the police after he's handcuffed. A search revealed that they actually got back together after this for a bit:
I don't know why this is so funny to me, but this was a comment over at Metafilter in a thread about the Biggest Loser
I have had this idea for a reality show where its kind of like big brother, but it's all heroin addicts who compete in increasingly degrading competitions to get doses of methadone. You'd be helping people get clean, and who can argue against that.
-hendred, who thinks that might be the plot of Saw IX
Since they have too much money, and I don't have enough...Instead of pouring a gazillion dollars down into the sewage pipe of africa - why not do something useful like pass me about 400k so I can shore up my retirement account, get the kids thru college, etc. But nah, doing something actually useful would be too out of vogue.
Translation: I am more important than everyone in Africa. Nice.
If someone wants to donate half or all of their money to charity, that's their prerogative. Frankly, in a billionaire's tax bracket, they already give over half to charity.
Swing and a miss. Twice in the same comment.
A true philanthropist does not tout their own horns and throw their weight around to coerce others to measure up to them with an arrogant 'do gooder ' attitude.
The Real character of Charity is quiet, encouraging, unassuming and engenders emulation by others.
Plane kills man jogging on beach. The plane was making an emergency landing after losing its propeller and was silently gliding. The man was taking a break from work, and listening to an iPod. This reminds me of something that's occurred to me before: does anyone else think it's strange that non-commercial and non-military pilots are allowed to fly around on their own? It seems like they get in more accidents than commercial flights, fly their planes into buildings (here and here too) or the ocean, and recklessly fake their own deaths. I know it isn't that dangerous, but I guess I'm surprised that in a world where coffee must come with "hot" warning labels that we allow amateur pilots to zip around above us.
Jalopnik salutes Air Force pilot Bob White. He went Mach 6.7 in a jet and managed to shatter his windshield. If this happened yesterday I'd be impressed as hell. It happened in 1961. I'm astonished. White died last week at 85. Be sure to check out the twolinks to the Air Force write-ups on the pics. -hendred, currently looking for a good maxillofacial surgeon
It was designed to fly at speeds up to Mach 6, and altitudes up to 250,000 ft. The aircraft went on to reach a maximum speed of Mach 6.7 and a maximum altitude of 354,200 ft. Looking at it another way, Mach 6 is about one mile per second, and flight above 264,000 ft. qualifies an Air Force pilot for astronaut wings.
An investigation into MicroSD cards While manufacturing a device, some crappy memory cards are exposed. The guy then checks out all kinds of cards - grey market, 'real', etc. Includes pictures of deconstructed cards and hex. Via boingboing. -hendred
Kirk Randall, 58, a retired energy economist from Fairfax City, owns two snowblowers he keeps in a garage workshop so filled with tools -- six electric drills! -- that he compares it to something out of the old Tim Allen TV show "Home Improvement."
From bw himself: Hey Yinz.....just wanted to give a Heatherford update. As Heather likes to put it, I put a ring on it this past weekend while vacationing in Charleston, SC. Yes...she is looking forward to becoming Heather Weatherford!
The Law of Inverse Value: the less you contribute to society, the greater the trauma you can sustain with minimal to no physical sequelae, including falls from 3 stories, stabbings (chest, neck, head, slashings to the face), gunshot wounds (chest, neck, pelvis, leg, traumatic arrest (only to be killed 7 years later in a separate GSW incident)), and high speed MVC's, unrestrained, where multiple people in the other vehicle are killed.
The Edgertonite National Party exists to secure political independence for the people of the Midwestern United States and a homeland for the Lauraist religion. We use the term “Nation of Edgerton” to describe the area within a 240-mile radius of Minneapolis, Minnesota. We are a non-traditional Communist party, based on the ideology of Lauraism: the belief that Laura Ingalls Wilder is God, Communism (public ownership of business) is the best form of government, age of consent laws should be repealed, public transit should be returned to the routes, fares, and schedules of 18 September 1970, the Nation of Edgerton should secede from the United States as a Lauraist homeland, and all people, including children, deserve as much personal liberty as possible consistent with public safety and the rights of others. Capitalism is a per se violation of people’s rights by exploitation. -hendred
The Pee Drinker vs. Krugman I don't think I've read anything from Krugman in a while and I really don't care who's right, but Mankiw riled up is something I might even pay to read. -hendred, sitting quietly with his bread at the circus
"Need an amputee to complete my Halloween costume (Brooklyn)"
So this might seem strange and really offensive to some but hopefully someone will reply. I have always loved the scene in Empire Strikes Back where Chewbacca has to carry around a half reconstructed C3PO in a backpack because he hasn't reattached his lower body yet. For Halloween I would love to dress up like this. I am big enough and strong enough to both pull off the Chewbacca look and to carry around a lot of weight for the night. So basically I am looking for a double amputee (someone missing both legs - preferably at the hip) to accompany me as C3PO for the evening. We should meet ahead of time so that we can work out the backpack/harness system. There are a few parties that I want to hit and I think we will be the hit of any event we attend. Anyone up for this?
Guy high-fiving people hailing cabs in NYC. The premise is kind of cool/funny, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. Click through only if you've got 4 minutes to burn. The best part is guessing how the people will react and then laughing with the people who laugh or smile. -hendred
John: We're going to set up a table in front of Wal*Mart and ask people to sign a petition to protect traditional marriage. We're going to interview them about why they thing traditional marriage is important, and then we'll tell them that we are trying to ban divorce.
People who supported Prop 8 weren't trying to take rights away from gays, they just wanted to protect traditional marriage. That's why I'm confident that they will support this initiative, even though this time it will be their rights that are diminished. To not support it would be hypocritical.
We're also going to collect signatures in front of "Faces," the largest gay nightclub in Sacramento.
“We believe there are several issues out there that leave the existence of the Republic at risk,” he added, “not the least of which is this Obamacare.”
Mr. Miller, shaking, stood his ground. He said he was furious that the senator’s staff had limited the questioning. “One day,” he said to loud applause, “God is going to stand before you, and he’s going to judge you!”
PS - This is from that liberal rag the NYT so you know it's all either made up or selected quotes. Also, they use fetuses to power their web site. I've seen the pictures.
We're talking about twitter. This is the equivalent of running a steam roller over a chipmunk farm: Somewhat disturbing, oddly hilarious, and ultimately a loss of nothing but a bunch of chattering rodents.
But really I wanted to highlight that Ryan's best friend Ed Rendell is directly responsible for the PA Turnpike "Keep Right Pass Left" signs. That might be the best use of governmental authority I've ever heard of. Well, pertaining to a road sign, anyway.
Also, in trying to get details on the road rage incident they mention on 79 outside of Pittsburgh I stumbled on a site called www.packing4life.com, which is just an awesome URL. -hendred
Just a guess that some may see in the mountain lion what we used to be before domestication. I haven't seen any sympathy for the dead pygmy goats which can be seen as a metaphor for what we've become. Just guessing.
NEO LIBERALS should all have to raise livestock and find out that 1. animals DIE 2. people raise livestock for FOOD 3. to get the food, one must KILL livestock 4. petting zoo's belong in WELL THE ZOO
etc. etc. Link swiped from The Goat at backcountry.com. -hendred
We have a motto: Epic good or epic fail. And that's really the basis of the show. We go around to different places and we're provided with different tasks or stunts. And basically we're pushed outside our comfort zone every single day. For the first two episodes of the second season we've walked on the wings of a plane without a parachute; I got shot 100 feet out of a cannon; I got to BASE jump the Superman ride at Six Flags Magic Mountain; I flew an acrobatic plane, did flips and loops; I got tear-gassed; I hit a 40-foot gap step-down on a big wheel. There's actually a lot of big wheels.
From oof: Some people might be interested to know that Christiano Ronaldo is on his way to Real Madrid for a world record transfer fee. Less than a week ago the same club set a previous world record when they acquired Kaka. Anyway, it is good to see that the Spanish football economy isn't hurting. Filed under craziness because there couldn't be a better way to describe this.
And if some parent... I don't care which one... but if some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator...Fri Jun 5 2009
I'm only posting this for the tag line. But it's definitely full of Fail. -hendred via the Freakanomics blog
"One emergency department reported a fall by an escalator rider who attempted to squeeze past an individual in a wheelchair and the individual's attendant who were also on the escalator. Obviously, the wheelchair should not have been on the moving stairs. And of course the injured individual should not have attempted to beat them down the stairs."
Old chinese dude pushes young suicidal Chinese dude off a bridge. There was a lethal weapon-style air mattress below. Total drop was 26ft, which I'm not even sure would kill you in the first place. The young dude tied up traffic for five hours. It was the 12th time someone's gone up there and not jumped since the start of April. Thanks old dude. -hendred
NC Judge rules against Andrew Giuliani. The younger Giuliani was tossed from the Duke golf team for being a douche. So he sued. The ruling has a bunch of golf terms but the real money shot is this:
Plaintiff’s promissory estoppel claim, which was not argued in his brief, brings to mind Carl Spackler’s analysis from the movie CADDYSHACK (Orion Pictures 1980): “He’s on his final hole. He’s about 455 yards away, he’s gonna hit about a 2 iron, I think.”
Taken from The Journal and Daily Kos. Madness. -hendred
Study finds NYC cyclists don't obey traffic laws. As The Goat over at backcountry.com points out - No Shit Sherlock. But really I'm just posting for the comments. It's like they went out and rounded up the most extreme stereotype of everyone involved and had them post. There's the angry bike messenger, the delivery guy, the pedestrians who almost die every day, the earth-hugging douche, the uber-aggressive guy... the list goes on and on. Tremendous. -hendred
Gallery openings are like mini-prom nights for hipsters, so dress to impress. You can take 3 routes. 1) Dress super sharp, like you're being photographed for a fashion magazine. 2) Dress like a crazy eccentric with loud colors to draw attention to yourself, although you'll be competing for attention with other needy hipsters. 3) Dress in your bar drinking dirties. This sends a message to other hipsters that you're on your way to something more interesting that doesn't require a dress code after you're done making the token gallery appearance (ironically this usually takes more effort than the other options).
The latest in 'is this a joke' newsMon May 11 2009
From naj: I somehow convinced a real life girl to marry me this past weekend. Kristen and I got engaged on Friday and we look forward to having the ceremony in the buggy room (foads only) and the finest shephards pie this side of the mississippi for the reception.
Jeremy Jones' Alaskan Adventure. Bunch of pro snowboarders dropped themselves in the middle of nowhere Alaska to hike and ride. Storm days bring giant snow caves and riding Turkish snowboards and noboards. If I ever disappear, you can assume this is where I am. -hendred
Typically Amazon is pretty spot-on with their recommendations and whatnot. But this time they really outdid themselves. They've somehow data-mined my soul and uncovered my unrequited love for all things Hanna Montana. Well played Amazon.com. Well played. -hendred
Don Larsen, a Springville delegate, offered the resolution, titled "Resolution opposing the Hate America anti-Christian Open Borders cabal," warning delegates that an "invisible government" comprised of left-wing foundations was pumping money into the Democratic Party to push for looser immigration laws and anti-family legislation.
So that's kinda par for the course, and then there's this:
But it's not the Democrats who are behind this strategy, Larsen said. It's the devil.
Which is kinda weird, but not why I posted this. This is:
Larsen said Democrats get most of the votes cast by illegal immigrants and people in dysfunctional families.
Emphasis mine. That would be an awesome mailing list. -hendred, the amused and confused
From ab: I predict a great Carnival weekend. Races look to be close with lots of wrecks. We should put the FIre Truck in the chute to collect new parts.
Thesetwo pictures are priceless: SDC hit the bales and broke stuff:
They have been rolling really fast but are having troubles making it through the chute. Spirit has spun like every other week. I'm bringing in some great beers for some alumni candy. See you Friday am.
I just figured this would work out. Guess not.Fri Apr 3 2009
Last year Congress passed a bill banning lead in kids' toys - aka anyone under 12. I guess 13 year olds will get to have all the fun with X-Ray barbie and her lead-lined dress. Anyway, in the process, they ended up banning the sale of small motorcycles meant for kids. There was talk of an exemption, but now the Consumer Product Safety Commission is recommending against that.
This seems like a plot line in a crappy movie. What the hell is uncie Bri supposed to spoil his nieces and nephews with now? -hendred
Mr. Yamaguchi was in Hiroshima on a business trip on Aug. 6, 1945, when an American B-29 dropped an atomic bomb on the city. He returned to Nagasaki, his hometown, before the second attack, officials said.
Guns and ammunition are one growth industry in this recession, fuelled by anecdotal evidence that the economic downturn has sparked an increase in crime from which Americans want to protect themselves.
The Texas Senate criminal justice committee is debating whether to permit state residents to come to work with guns in their vehicles. Proponents say as crime rises, Texans must have guns to drive safely to and from work. Critics object that, given the increasing number of Texans losing their jobs, guns in their cars is a recipe for disaster.
In November last year there were a record 1,529,635 background checks for gun licences in the US, up 42 per cent from the same period a year earlier, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. In January 2009 the number of background checks requested was 1.21m, up from 942,556 in the same month last year, and rose in February to 1.3m, up from 1m in February 2008.
Congratulations to the founding fathers for being so clear about the right to bear arms during an era of muskets, slow loading rifles, and inacurrate pistols. -decker
UPDATE: there is now a link. I think I had written some intro with it before and scrapped it before posting.
I installed one of these cables between my gigabit ethernet switch and my Canon Pixma 6700 color printer. I know it's not a sanctioned use, but I was looking for the ultimate in speed and color fidelity. I'm freaky that way.
The first time I downloaded a picture to the printer over this cable, the bits moved so fast the printer collapsed into a naked singularity, right there in my office.
Since then, I can't find the cat, and my entire set of VAX/VMS 4.7 documentation (DEC Will Rise Again!) (Mmmmm, orangey!) has gone missing.
We estimated over 163 000 fire-related deaths in 2001 in India, which is about 2% of all deaths. This number was six times that reported by police. About 106 000 of these deaths occurred in women, mostly between 15 and 34 years of age. This age—sex pattern was consistent across multiple local studies, and the average ratio of fire-related deaths of young women to young men was 3:1.
The inference is that many of the deaths are from self-immolation and domestic abuse. I'm not sure how they control for men (I assume) being out of the house more, but it's in the Lancet, which I think is pretty well respected. Anyway, if anybody's got any thoughts, I'm all ears. -hendred
This is all from "notnickellforfearofislamicretaliation ":
I have long said that all organized religions are bullshit, but this "Muslim" religion takes the grand prize. Yes, there are horrific stories of killing, violence, and torture in both the Old and New Testaments, but the Koran is a "how-to" for stonings and beheadings - my personal favorites.
How about we all stop literally interpreting fairy tales written 2,000+ yrs ago??? So, does SHE get the 72-virgin AMEX gift card on this one? Or if he dies in the electric chair, does he get the virgins? As someone who's been with a virgin I can say "overrated" - too much fiddle-factor.
"Muzzammil Hassan is the founder and chief executive officer of Bridges TV, which he launched in 2004, amid hopes that it would help portray Muslims in a more positive light." -AND THEN HE BEHEADED HIS FREAKIN WIFE!!!
Again, this is all from "notnickellforfearofislamicretaliation ":
I have been invited to add some voice commentating to the cmuTV broadcast during this year's Sweepstakes. This is something that I take very seriously since usually the announcing sucks. I will be asking for your help soon regarding some history and some trends. I will also likely not be out on Thursday night so that I actually have a voice with which to speak. Thanks for your help in advance and pray that I don't ruin the race video for all eternity.
When it's a full-on powder day and it's still puking a few inches an hour and you're pissed off about your kids, your combover, or whatever, it's time to re-evaluate. Plus you're harshing my mellow, etc.
Pics of the new Ferrari F1 car. The front and rear wings are per new regulations. The mirror mounts don't make any sense from the front 3/4 view but make total sense from the front and sides. It's crazy. The top view really shows how small the cars are. -hendred
Barack Obama is Malcom X's son. This is incredibly long, but if you scroll down through there's a few picture comparisons and whatnot. The comments are equally priceless. God bless the internet. -hendred, secret son of Bobby Kennedy and Lucy from Peanuts.
Top 50 hottest Victoria's Secret models Hot women in their underwear. Stephanie Seymour languishing at #14 is a travesty. She was Hill 3. Or 5. Or something. I can never get that pic right. -hendred, who had to do work this morning
I told him he should find a better vending machine for his jewelry," Mischler recalled, adding that the comment angered the heckler, who himself had earlier performed an Eminem song. Mischler said he was concerned about reports claiming that he did a mocking version of "Holy Diver." "I genuinely love Ronnie James Dio," he said.
From ab: It's on paper, so I guess it's official. For those in the 'burgh for homecoming, there will be a few alumni events that yours truly and Mr. Wood will be participating in. See you there. Oh, I'm bringing the two essentials for a monumental weekend in Pittsburgh. . . .a 30-pack of Old Milwaukee and Bean.
Check out the Saturday, 11:30am event. (I really wanted to combine the Craziness/Douchebaggery code into something like Crazy Douchebaggery preemptively)
In a scene they described afterward, Wiens moved aside with about 10 miles to go to let Armstrong take the lead as they headed onto an uphill trail. This time, however, Armstrong told Wiens: “No. Go. I’m done.”
Wiens, known to cheer on competitors even midrace, replied: “No. Come on.”
"The report also confirmed that even if you were able to communicate with these other citizens, your passion and conviction would never be enough to convince them not to vote for their candidate, just as they would never be able to convince you not to vote for your candidate, and just as nobody can convince anybody else that what they believe to be right is wrong, regardless of how clear the evidence to the contrary may be."
"After I get to know some of the kids, I could ask them if they like video games, and if they say yes, I could invite them over after school to play my Nintendo Wii," Dengal said. "And then later that week we could have a sleepover, and we could all watch scary movies, and try out the new camera I just got, and eat pizza until we pass out."
Now, I can kinda understand those surfers who go out into the swells prior to a hurricane making landfall... that said, i have no idea why this guy figured it would be fun to KITE BOARD when a hurricane is coming. Apparently his kite snagged a water spout and flung him into a building.
The video is less gruesome than it sounds. - jted
PS - After my move goes through, I will make an attempt to start helping out with the site again
Black female official sues NASCAR for $250 million. If you guessed it was because NASCAR's really boring, you'd be wrong. It's for wrongful termination, hostile work environment, etc. I'm not sure what warrants the 250 mil, but I'm guessing that's to grab headlines. Check out the PDF complaint if you've got time. If even 1/10th of what she says is true, that's just messed up. -hendrix
LA Cyclists use freeway - beat traffic. For anybody that's ever been on a freeway in CA during rush hour, this should come as no surprise. Knowing how much drivers hate motorcycles lane-splitting, I can't believe they didn't get doored. -hendrix
Compiling some sort of useless list in the first place is ridiculous and asinine. Posting it for all to see (not just teachers) takes it up a notch. Calling the gay kid's mom and outing him is the most ridiculous thing I've heard this week. She needs fired (goin' out to bean-o) yesterday. -hendrix
In case your kids don't think they're loved...Thu Apr 24 2008
A $122,000 playset. Granted, this thing's pretty awesome. I try to let people spend/waste their money however they want, but if you're spending $122k on a playset, please reconsider. The rest of the site is pretty nuts as well. -hendrix
GTA Live! comes to Portland, ME A 19 year old guy recently lit up 10 cars in Portland within a few hours. It's been pretty big news around here, but when it popped up on Jalopnik, I realized we've made the big time. If you check out the Google map, my apartment is about 2 blocks from fires 6,8,9, and 10. The official support vehicle of bhendrix.com is still going strong, though. -hendrix
Japanese Bug Fights Just like everything else Japanese, this makes absolutely no sense. It's like UFC, but with bugs. I think that meanss the beatles are like Kimbo Slice meets the Ultimate Warrior. From derek.
ab sent this in along with the following: This type of flight is called a ferry flight. If a jet goes down somewhere, a new jet must fill in somewhere to take its place. In this case, they used the ferry jet to move some passengers too. If you don't think this is green enough for your tastes, then the alternative will be sitting in Heathrow for 3 days waiting to fill an empty seat on a previously scheduled flight.
Just wanted to let you guys know that my wife Heather had a baby boy on Saturday night. His name is Nolan and he's happy and healthy. He's also been kind enough to let me sleep a few hours the past couple of nights, so I got that going for me.
How to cut spending if you spoil your kids. If this isn't obvious to you, please pick up your computer or keyboard and hit yourself over the head. And if it is obvious, feel free to drive to Salt Lake and beat up these people. -hendrix
For those of you who will be in Pittsburgh this weekend for the wedding, here are the plans for nightlife. Please spread the word and feel free to invite whoever...
The Friday night get together will start at Doc's in Shadyside (map) and probably move across the street to the Shady Grove around Midnight. I would shoot to be at Doc's around 8:30 to 9pm... we should have an area set aside for our use on the second floor, although we may just have to stake a claim to our own spot (which won't be too difficult). The rehearsal dinner attendees will be coming to Doc's directly from the dinner, so we will meet you there.
After the reception on Saturday, buses will be stopping at hotels to drop off any weaklings and then immediately continuing on to Bar Louie in Station Square (map).
As for Sunday, if you are sticking around to watch the 1pm games, we have the second floor of The Buckhead Saloon in Station Square (map) reserved. Parking is available in Station Square and please try to show up between 12:30 - 1.
To foster good relations, Hudson shared his brandy with the tribal chief, who soon passed out. But upon waking up the next day, he asked Hudson to pour some more for the rest of his tribe. From then on, the Indians referred to the island as Manahachtanienk -- literally, "The High Island."
And not "high" as in "tall;" high as in "the place where we got blotto." Most people would agree that Manhattan has stayed true to the spirit of its name ever since.
EP has two types of amnesia—anterograde, which means he can't form new memories, and retrograde, which means he can't remember old memories either, at least not since 1960. His childhood, his service in the merchant marine, World War II—all that is perfectly vivid. But as far as he knows, gas costs less than a dollar a gallon, and the moon landing never happened.
"My memory flows like a movie—nonstop and uncontrollable," says AJ. She remembers that at 12:34 p.m. on Sunday, August 3, 1986, a young man she had a crush on called her on the telephone. She remembers what happened on Murphy Brown on December 12, 1988. And she remembers that on March 28, 1992, she had lunch with her father at the Beverly Hills Hotel. She remembers world events and trips to the grocery store, the weather and her emotions. Virtually every day is there. She's not easily stumped.
From Will: Here's an article about a guy who collects obscene trading cards. Not porn cards, just regular cards with dirty things mistakenly on them. Kind of an interesting story, but a must post for this wtf one:
20 Greatest Interviews of the 20th Century, including one with Adolf HItler from 1923 that includes the quote, "...we must expand eastward" and, "In my scheme of the German state, there will be no room for the alien, no use for the wastrel, for the usurer or speculator, or anyone incapable of productive work."
An Arkansas Policeman goes ballistic on a group of teenaged skateboarders (including a female) for basically doing nothing. This is so bad that I thought it was staged, but apparently the follow up is that the teens are facing minor charges and the cop is on leave. - JT
A study claims that 43% of all Russian men between the ages of 25 and 54 are killed by "problem drinking," which includes "excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages such as beer, wine and spirits, and consumption of non-beverage alcohol such as cleaning agents, colognes and medical tinctures."
In Soviet Russia, you don't pour vodka; vodka pours you! -decker
...and losing their house to a Sorority. DG will be replacing DU on the quad this summer. Apprently DU is not renewing their lease due to financial reasons... maybe a house has finally decided to try the off-campus route? - JT
Katie Minardo and I got engaged after she completed the Boston Marathon on Monday (I had to pick a time to when she was completely confused and disoriented). We haven't discussed times or places or anything like that, but I'll do my best to conflict with Burch. My apologies to those of you who picked Sperl to win the latest poll...
Since we'll see most of you this weekend, I figured it was ok to post here and wait to see everyone in person. Please forgive the lack of personal phone calls. - JT
So this 34 year old fisherman is only the 2nd contestant out of over 500 total contestants to complete this Ninja Warrior obstacle course. This is like Legends of the Hidden Temple on strawberry flavored, crack laced meth. Thanks to BHendrix for the link.
Bonus link - Here is an amazingly detailed wiki page all about Legends of the Hidden Temple... quite possibly the best kids show ever created. - JT
From decker: A Woman googled "How to Commit Murder" ten days before murdering her husband. She also searched information about gun laws and poisons. And she obtained a subscription for a sedative from the doctor she was cheating with. Google didn't actually solve the murder; a computer forensics specialist did.
Note to Mayes: Stop googling "How to rape dudes." That one might come back to bite you.
I'm rarely pro-abortion, but this MF'er is an example... Wed Mar 14 2007
Nickell asks: Can we execute kids? Only the really bad ones? No lengthy trial, no appeals, just, "Well sport, you're a certified fuck-up, and you'll likely remain that way, just as frustrated with this society as it is with you. So before you really cause some damage we're gonna blow your damn head off, with a 12 gauge. Give Satan a 'what's up'."
Marked NSFW due to language only. Miolla originally sent the break.com version, but I'm posting the Youtube version, which is significantly better quality/angle. There's also some other angles/'extras' on the related videos menu. If you want to cut to it, go to 4:45 and watch from there. Those girls sing pretty well, though. -ed
From will: A little Indian guy dancing... I've watched this roughly 80 times in the past couple days. It's just too good. The slow-mo part is my favorite. Brick also sent this in calling it the greatest video clip ever.
From Bean: But a good one, and appropriate for the day.
READ BEFORE CLICKING ON THE LINK BELOW:
There are two identical pictures that will appear on the screen. Almost 8,000 people were tested to see if they could find the 3 differences in the two pictures and only 19 found all 3. There is a voice that comes on in a few seconds to give you hints so have your speakers turned on. See how observant you are. If you find all 3, you're one of very few people who are able to do this.
For breakfast I will start off with a a scrambled S4 with a side of Caymen..why not make it an S. For lunch I'll have anything AMG has to offer. By mid afternoon I'll be ready to pick my teeth with a Viper or Z06. So for an evening delight I'll indulge myself with an Italian dish...say some F430 or Gallardo with a second helping from the rice burner.
This might be the greatest write-up ever submitted to the site. -ed
Basically people mail in questions to her, and she responds every so often. So when did this happen? Have other people known about this for a while? I've gotten lax in my SI reading (I've got a few weeks of Peter King's MMQB to catch up on), so I had no idea about this. And the $64k question is: Who's ghost writing for her?
I hope it's Dane Cook so Sports Guy shits his pants. -ed.
Goddamn it SImmons, you thunder-stealing son of a bitch Mon Jul 31 2006
This one's from Rollins: Due Date: Feb. 9. Who's next?
Good lord people - I leave the site alone for a month and this is the thanks I get? I shudder to think what would happen if it went away completely. But congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Rollins as well as Mr. and Mrs. Simmons. -Real ed.
Kid in Penn State jersey dancing... Yep, that's all it is. But wow. Just wow. Stick with this thing. You keep thinking it can't get any better, then it does. The ending is just amazing. Almost makes me think this was staged, but even it it was, still awesome.
Wersal pursued Menne to a parking lot where he paused briefly, re-started the bike and zipped out the other side of the lot. The chase continued as Menne put-putted down a nearby street at about 25 mph.
Police also believe that the truck theft is related to a reported theft of two cases of Coors Light beer from the Big Apple convenience store on Western Avenue. Cote has not been charged in the beer theft.
From oof: It seems this type of thing has become the latest craze. Who knows what the Internet masses will next be called upon to do for the average man, but for the time being help this guy out. The girl is hot too.
I am betting it takes about 2 more days for him to hit 5,000,000 hits.
Does anyone else think these 'bets' are ridiculous? The girl gets tubby as her servant for a week if he loses? C'mon. -ed
I think I could build equity faster by pissing in a jar each day and saving the jars. 20 years down the line, I bet the aggregate value of my urine jars would be about equal to what I would have paid in 'not-interest' on my 50 F'IN YEAR MORTGAGE jesuschrist...
We recognize that while the movie may give Christians a good opportunity to talk about faith issues, millions of people -- not familiar in the least with the Gospels -- could be spiritually poisoned with “false propaganda” against Christ. This is especially true of children.
Complainants reported to University Police a foul odor and visible traces of feces in the Hill dorms area. When the police arrived, there appeared to be excrement on the ground surrounding Hamerschlag House and on the side of the building. Police traced the dung streak to the actor’s window and followed the odor of feces to the Hamerschlag room, where the actor admitted to police he had defecated out his window. He was cited for disorderly conduct.
Other things to do with your wang. Fri Mar 17 2006
Like throw it at the cops. This is just wrong. I wonder who drew the short straw and had to pick it up. There are so many jokes to be made about this and I can't come up with a single funny one - damnit. This entry brought to you by oof and the spell checker.
Oh Halliburton, what WON'T you do? Thu Mar 16 2006
Halliburton didn't filter water used at base. It apparently went for washing and toilets. The best part is how they covered it up and didn't tell the military. Link and tag from Rollins, who adds Apparently sickening our own troops is not a priority for them.
From Rollins: If it hasn't happened already, soon your neighborhood Kaufmanns, Marshall Fields, Hechts, etc. will become a Macy's. Or it may become a Bloomingdale's. Or it just got sold to someone else. Either way kiss your regional stores goodbye.
From Anagha: Move the red block around without getting hit by the blue blocks or touching the black walls. If you can go longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal. I was told that the US Air Force uses this for fighter pilots. They are expected to go for at least 2 minutes.
I think I've posted this or something similar, but it's still fun. -ed
Within Leet, the term "newbie" (and derivations thereof) is used extensively. This is due in part to its origins as a means of segregating the "elite" echelon from outsiders. A contemporary derivative of "newbie" (or "n00b") is the "nubcake". Nubcake may be used in conjunction with puns such as "what do you eat for breakfast, nubcakes?"
This one's from 'Andy Sucks': This weird little Japanese Flash deal was linked on blog for Radiohead's new album. Apparently Thom was looking for a drum machine. The crazy red sun make me feel like this is Japan announcing its remilitarization. Once they start playing, that's the whole stupid thing. -ed
All naj: I don't know what is more crazy the fact that this article was on ESPN's page or the fact that I have never been to Windsor. My question is if you are short on time and decide to enjoy the Cuban at the same time as the hooker, is the Cuban really a Cuban anymore? Or would that make it a Canadian? Or...is it...oh you SMOKE the cuban. My bad.
Punxsutawney Phil vs. The Vermonster Fri Feb 3 2006
This one's from the Head Groundhog: We had our annual Groundhog Day Vermonster last night to determine the fate of spring. 5.7lbs of ice cream downed in 5minutes 42 seconds. Local news was there...check out the vid.
The Law of Inverse Value: the less you contribute to society, the greater the trauma you can sustain with minimal to no physical sequelae, including falls from 3 stories, stabbings (chest, neck, head, slashings to the face), gunshot wounds (chest, neck, pelvis, leg, traumatic arrest (only to be killed 7 years later in a separate GSW incident)), and high speed MVC's, unrestrained, where multiple people in the other vehicle are killed.
Don't swallow quarters. No, not a kid, a 45 y/o guy.
So finally she says, "Hey Doc, you think I coulda done dis masturbating? Cuz da other night, YOU (points to baby's dad) just wouldn't wake up! And I needed me some lovin'! So I gave myself like 29 orgasms while you be sleeping in da bed next to me! You think that could've done it, doc?"
I thought Alito was giving his wife the pounds, which would have caused me to get on the horn to Specter and stop the hearings. Alas, he wasn't. Also, why is Teri Hatcher's not-as-attractive sister there?
This one's from Joel, who adds this: The guy has a point. However, I’m sure creationists have some sort of illogical counter-argument like “God makes the virus change, and because I believe in him, he’d want me to get the vaccine”.
The first officer on the scene, Frank Zipelli, reported, "I could hear those two all the way from the parking lot." According to Zipelli, "It sounded as if they were bludgeoning a cow. There would be a low moan, like a ‘moo,’ and then a ‘bang’ and a higher-pitched ‘moo.’ It was like ‘MOO…BANG…MOOO!’"
From Polega: News item #1: Some austin company actually has named themselves innotech. www.innotechaustin.com They do small business seminars; no word on if they do instruction of attaching cover sheets to TPS reports.
The interweb has served its purposeFri Nov 11 2005
LeiasMetalBikini.com It's a whole site on Princess Leia's metal bikini. How to build, how to buy, the Friends episode, and a gallery of women who dress up like her (with mixed results). Maybe NSFW due to well, bikinis. Stolen from BoingBoing.
The Full Auto gun shoot and trade show video. It opens with a 6 year old shooting a machine gun and goes downhill from there. I usually try not to take issue with people's hobbies, as mine include things like snowboarding and riding a bike, but this is just fucking stupid. And disgusting. And Ainsley was right, it's the people firing the guns that I don't like, not the guns. Why don't they just give the little kid a pack of smokes and a fifth of Jack and be done with it? Stolen from Hedonistica.
Do I have a large frog in my hair? . . . Something's crawling out of my scalp." Despite reassurances from the reporter, the actor replied, "No, but I feel it. I'm not worried about the looks. I'm worried about the sensation of my brain being eaten . . . What did you ask me?"
I think we all feel the same way.
If you're not reading it already, I highly recommend the Superficial's RSS feed. It makes me feel better about myself every day. -ed
Dispute over $241,000 Scores bill Which brings me to my next point: I need to open a Scores franchise. Or become a stripper. Probably the former. Someone submitted this but didn't claim it.
After a lawsuit last year, Hanover said that "high rollers" visiting Scores' "super elite Presidents' Club" spend thousands of dollars on single bottles of champagne and tip strippers as much as $10,000 for lap dances and for spending time with them.
Hanover said that each time a patron spends $10,000, Scores calls the customer's credit card company to get the charges approved. Scores even fingerprints the customer and requires him to get on the telephone with a credit card representative, he said.
From Meg: I am not sure if you saw this, but my office (which is compromised primarily of women and gay men) is dying over this. Who is this dude? Has he watched the Tony's lately? And can I be a lesbian if I can incite that kind of wrath/attention from God? yes, or for any reason you choose -ed.
Basically, it's a big WTF.
Update As "Shek's friend" points out, I got punk'd. Snopes has it, but looking at the 'About' page or the rest of the site (which is pretty funny) would have made it clear. Oh, those internets.
All from Jacques-o-bim: World's Weakest Man competition on ESPN 3... featuring wiry twerps competeing in such events as Pillow Power Lifting and Blackberry Bench Press... simply brilliant. The only thing that might better this is if you had the huge guys from the World's Strongest Man competition compete in events requiring fine motor skills like the Needle-point Sew Scramble, the Fishing Fly Tie-off, or the infamous Model-car Building Matchup.
Refugee is apparently a racist term. This one's from ryan, who adds I really don't understand this issue at all. Can anyone shed some light as to why this matters at all? And when did we stop looking at context of what people say when deciding if they are racial or not?
Jesse Jackson can shove it up his ass. They're refugees. Deal with it.
Life is much better, down where its wetterTue Sep 6 2005
Shark VS Octopus! WMV video. This one's from Old Sea Captain derek. It takes a while to load, but man is it worth it. See if you can watch it without saying 'Gewwww!' Apparently this weekend was octopus weekend.
The Grove is on the web. This one's from "Jim's golden rod" - This website is pretty weak. It doens't really contain anything. But I think we'd all agree that it needs to be a part of bhendrix.com. I guess.
From the 'What's the point?' departmentWed Aug 31 2005
I was looking through my spam folder to see if anything had gotten flagged incorrectly, and this came to me from the 'Hottie Research Panel'. Thought it was worth a laugh. And if anyone knows what the point of this is, please share.
NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!! Please note all the exclamation points there.
The most insane tattoo you will ever see. If you are at work, DO NOT look at this. If you are squeamish, DO NOT look at this. If a picture of a wang offends you, DO NOT look at this. Anyway, I made mention of this to somebody a while ago, and I just got a new account with 3.5 GB of space to burn and 100GB of transfer. naj sent this to me a while ago. It still haunts me.
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! This one's from mllioa. He didn't send a link, though.
According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.
For all you Spaghetti Monster devotees out there, you can check out the wikipdedia entry and of course, the DIY bumper sticker.
At 40,000 feet, the glove on my right hand hadn't inflated. I knew that if I radioed my doctor, he would abort the flight. If that happened, I knew I might never get another chance because there were lots of people who didn't want this test to happen. I took a calculated risk, that I might lose use of my right hand. It quickly swelled up, and I did lose use for the duration of the flight.
Reese Witherspoon has had it with dumb blondes. I'm fairly certain she's referring to the new Daisy Duke. Just a hunch. Update Stiner has informed me that the quote was taken way out of context and refers to raising her daughter (who I assume is blonde). That takes all the fun out of it. Unless she's throwing daggers at her kid Gangs of New York style, which would be cool to see. Damn you internets and your selective quoting!! When will I learn?
From oof: The makers of Google Maps, which was recently updated with a cool hybrid view, comes Google Earth. You have to download it, but it is well worth it. Be sure to check out the Grand Canyon tour which shows the full functionality.
Omari sent this well-crafted entry, and while it was posted some time back, it's still funny.
Question: Why should the news channels go through the hassle of filtering through all the school/business closings that are sent to them when those businesses and schools can just load them directly through the internet?
Craig's List - I just can't stop eating poop! From Jeanine, who adds You know you have pissed someone off when your shit-eating skills are marketed on craigslist. Lesson to be learned: Never eat anything brown in front of people that hate you. And if you're an albino, get out in the sun once in a while.
Google Moon Be sure to zoom all the way in. Derek sent this, and says it proves they're tools. JT also sent this and added the following:
On the Moon, nerds get their pants pulled down and they are spanked with Moonrocks
Ignignot: Hello, Carl, I am Ignignot, and this is Ur. Ur: I am Ur! Ignignot: We are Mooninites from the inner core of the Moon. Ur: You said it right! Ignignot: Our race is hundreds of years beyond yours. Ur: Man, you hear what he's sayin'? Ignignot: Some would say that the Earth is *our* moon. Ur: *We're* the Moon! Ignignot: But that would belittle the name of our Moon, which is the Moon. Ur: Point is, we're at the center, not you! Carl: No, the real point is I don't give a damn. (slams door)
Hooter Shooters Giant fake breasts that dispense shots of alcohol. Because in the middle of a lap dance, you too might need a shot. Something about this says 'Wow, that's just messed up.' and something else says 'God bless America.' Got this from jwz. Totally NSFW.
Transformers' movie site. They have a giant truck at a comic con, and they announced July 4, 2007 for the movie. Only 723 days to go. Oh, Michael Bay, why do you hate my childhood? And the mudflaps are in the wrong place. From Shasta.
Dude chugging 3 beers. [WMV Video] His speed is pretty good and his endurance isn't too bad, either. He probably couldn't win Jag gift, but there ya' go. And apparently he doesn't know about plastic cups.
Check yourself before you wreck yourself...Sun Jul 10 2005
A PSA from Rachel From shasta: Don't even know how to put this one. But since its a public health announcment, I'm not even sure to mark this as NOT safe for work. If anything turn down the volume before listening to it. I'm throwing a no-desk on it, as it just appears NSFW.
...Women 24 and older ARE already on a steady decline of attractiveness. I am not sure what disturbs me more about this article, the 18 year olds trying to "land" 40 yr old men or the fact that they have gotten into Bungalow 8 and I have not. It's a close call....
Sewiouswy. Tell me Rove doesn't look like Vader when they pulled off his beautiful, black visage to reveal a feeble, crusty white man (Thanks, Kev). Also, he has no discernable neck or chin. Which kind of creeps me out.
Interesting note from this article -- The United Nations estimates that more than 70 percent of marriages in Ethiopia are by abduction, practiced in rural areas where the majority of the country's 71 million people live. Which has got to make romantic comedies tough. And I have no clue about the pope thing. -ed
Time to Rethink the Initiation RitualMon Jun 20 2005
Teenager Rapes Dog. Then the dog dies two weeks later. However, I think the worst part is that it also mentions that he rapes two little girls as well, but the story is focused only on the canine offense. This is stolen from that Report by that guy no one likes. All from jm.
Seat 29E complains. [PDF] Got this from LMC, JT, and Bob. I'd like to take this moment to complain about the incontinent sow that woke me up so she could get by me to unload her bladder 20 mintes into a 1 hr. flight. And the douche bag that did the same thing on the previous flight. They're called aisle seats, people. Look into them. Here's the snopes write up on Seat29E. And a link to the original PDF if you want.
Aside from the fun anecdotal observations, the article claims that only one person has perfectly beaten Pac-Man, which is kinda cool. I remember that infamous pledge when people stood around and watched a first-time-drunk Kase manhandling Inky & Crew in the first few levels, but 256 levels is insane. This moment in pika history is courtesy of oof.
Bam Margera's ex-fiance says he boned Jessica Simpson. Call Morton and ask to borrow a giant grain from them, but there it is. A few weeks ago, I saw Pics of them in LA, which now seems to make a little more sense. If you've got a minute, listen to the phone call. And if you're wondering what the link is: one word - Knoxville. I marked it No desks because the rest of the site is a little off-color.
Rather than just steal most of the links, I thought I'd point people over to Hedonistica.com. Of note today: Goodbye Bitch site, Batman Begins 10 minute trailer, Segway Centaur video, fake U2 concert, and the Tourist photos.
Santorum loves puppies. The bill he introduced should help stop puppy mills. Which is a Good Thing. I can't help but wonder if there will be an ammendment that says everyone has to go through airport security buck naked. 'Cause if you vote against it, you hate puppies. Puppy hater!!
Even the noblest of intents can turn to debauchery.Tue May 17 2005
All from oof: This just doesn't seem like a good idea. It seems that by taking this herb one begins to feel the affects of alcohol quicker. I can't even begin to list the types of abuse this allows. Boot and derek both sent this in as well.
Paris Hilton disobeys the laws of grammar. Twice. On the same shirt. What an idiot. And if we didn't have previous evidence that she's dumb as a post, I might think she was being ironical. Update This may be the worst tag line I've ever come up with. I suck. That is all.
Most of the cases were reported by veterinarians and police after 2000, the study said. But it was not clear if sex with animals had become more common or if people had become more likely to report it, it said.
so in a way, it's kinda like kids who had sex with Michael Jackson...
Oof sent this: A British magazine recently ranked the 50 best restaurants in the world. To no surprise the several London eateries rank in the top; I have even eaten at #5. Of course, I can't help but notice the glaring omission of Chez Tom aka PiKA. Be sure to click the pop-up link to see the full list.
It's not just the South that is backwards...Fri Apr 29 2005
From Oof: A Norwegian woman was recently convicted of rape. Unfortunately, the blurp does not offer more info about their relationship. Cause if this was just a random hook up I don't see what is so bad, and if this was two people in a relationship I don't see what is so bad. I wonder if this has ever happened in the US?
Providence cop killer. With gnarly pic. Ryan sent this one. Does anyone know what that thing is? Is it a Hannibal Lecter thing to keep him from biting? And can we just go ahead and execute this human garbage? Please?
Crazy homepage for a sexy guy. Jeremy H sent this one to me, and couldn't tell if it was for real. I think it maybe was at one point, but the domain is gone and it's been picked up as part of a larger web-design firm. Anyway, it's awesome. Be sure to check out the videos of Pick-Up-A-Chick.
Crazy videos. There are a ton of videos involving just about any kind of trick/wreck you can imagine, focused mainly on motorcycles. Ryan, I recommend the Frenchman on a bike. Mayes, have a look at the rollerblader. Philippe, check out the X5 recovery. Some of these are pretty gnarly, just as a heads up.
randomly-generated CS articles for technical journals. spits out somewhat readable garbage that sounds like a real paper. one was accepted for presentation to a conference and authors are planning to present. the kids at MIT apparently have too much time on their hands.
NCSU election results video. From Fark via JT Fast Forward to about 6/10ths (or 3/5ths, for you reducers out there -ed.) of the way through to hear 'The Pirate Captain' basically win the election for student body president at NC State.
Also listen for cronie comments like "We got 44%, YEEARGH!", "Long live the captain" (chorus of cheers), and "Ye ship set sail, YEEARGH!"
Following on from CBS's movie-of-the-week, Sping Break Shark Attack, it seems as if real sharks are congregating and copying their digital, small screen brothers. Click on the picture it is pretty crazy. Update Oof sent this one in. I robbed him of credit. Sorry oof.
Body Suspension convention coverage from Providence RI. If you are squeamish, DO NOT CLICK THROUGH. Seriously. I don't want to be responsible for you depositing your lung butter on your computer. If you're really sacked up, though, check out the photo gallery. Yow. I marked this No Desks just to make sure there were no accidental clicks.
Marissa (Ms. 2:06.71) is sending out this plea, so listen up:
The only tape I have of buggy is of hills 1, 2 and 5 from 2000. I am looking for a copy of the lead truck and follow truck footage of all the races for 2000 and/or '99. A copy of either psych tape would be a great bonus. If someone can get me this and give it to me at carnival I would be very grateful and will reimburse the person the cost of the copy. -Marissa
I would also be interested in this stuff, if you've got it. - ed.
I'd like to order chili con finger.Thu Mar 24 2005
Finger found in Wendy's chilli. Arjen sent this in along with the tag line. Jeremy H also sent it in with "You want fingers with that?". My comment about Radiohead laughing at Scott Tinneman would be a distant 3rd.
All from boot: On the advice of an 'advisor' a gullible zimbabwe-an woman pays to have 5 'mermaids' flown from London and put up in a fancy hotel to help recover her stolen car and thousands of dollars.
Excellent upcoming programming from Sci-Fi. This titan of programming has got quite a lineup of stuff. Ever since I saw 'Cube', I can't wait for Cube 2. This one's from Rollins, who adds I, for one, have already set the Tivo for Corin Nemec in "Mansquito". I guess Parker Lewis really can't lose.
An actual liger. I post this because someone wrote into Newsweek last week to ask 'Do ligers exist?' and they answered very seriously and with no Napoleon Dynamite references. It was surreal. Anyway, there are also 'tigons'. The first animal is the father, so a liger has a lion for a dad and a tiger for a mom.
Video of guys doing the robot. The first guy is pretty good, but the guy in orange is amazing. With the advent of one Napoleon Dynamite, naj forwarded it to me, adding Why does this make me think of Art? I posted this a long time ago, but it's worth another look.
Norwegian Tank units having a bad week. So with the French as nonviolent as your usual Holiday patrons, and the Swiss as noncommittal as Rick Simmons, it is a good thing at least one European nation isn't afraid to mimmick a Bruckheimer movie. Thanks to oof for the whole write-up... all three submissions worth.
"My head hurt a bit, but I was convinced that it was from the fall. There was a small gash on the side of my head near my ear, but I thought it would soon heal and did not make much of it. I put a plaster on it and left it."
CMU Boobs Now Playing on CollegeHumor.comSun Mar 6 2005
Boobs from CMU... Need I say more? I was just surprised that the prudes from CMU final ponied up a Ho to get naked for CH.com. In fact, I was more surprised that she went for full frontal. This makes me wonder if she is from Central Michigan University. But for now we'll just assume that CMU is awesome for finding a cick to get naked. This whole thing from Miolla. See the desk. Naked chick behind link.
Being unclean as a reason for divorce... I think I was on a plane with this guy last weekend. Thanks to yourmom for this one. An Iranian woman has requested a divorce from her husband on the grounds that he has not washed for more than a year.
A report in the journal Nature reveals that the new system is far more ambitious, being both self-contained and reducing visibility from all angles. In this sense it would be more like the shields used by the Romulans in the Star Trek episode Balance of Terror which hid their spaceship at the touch of a button.
Finally, you can have tasty, sizzling bacon, without all the shopping, planning, and preparation. Just schedule your appointment at baconwhores.com, and our trained experts will come and prepare bacon for you, exactly the way you like it.
At least this one wasn't in Shadyside. Thanks to JT for this one. This sums it up nicely: The girl, who, as a juvenile, was not identified by police, was wounded in the groin with a .45-caliber handgun and was taken to an undisclosed hospital.
The 38 States. Interesting suggestion for re-drawing the US Map. I can see a few problems already, such as Madison, WI's reluctance to be included in a state with Milwaukee, Chicago, and Gary, IN. Also, "Don't mess with Alamo" doesn't have the same ring. Anyway, something a little different on a boring Monday night.
So the initial draft of this dissappeared, so check http://drudgereport.com/flash3ph.htm. Someone hacked Paris' Sidekick. Check here for links to everything that was on it (pictures, emails, notes, phone numbers) along with some crank calls. The second link is NOT safe for work. Thanks to Cpt. Park for at least one of those, and no thanks to Brian's "draft" function, which makes things disappear.
A friend of a friend lost their cat (yes, that's gay) but they're probably going to replace the cat with one of these. If hell froze over and I got a cat, this would definitely be the one. Thank to miolla for this one.
Tara Reid wants a regular boyfriend. From s, who adds She'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Or for free if you get married to her. Hey, you could even get settlement money if you get divorced! So maybe its more like: She'll suck your cock and then pay you a million dollars... In case you were wondering, it's been three whole months since the 'boob-falling-out-of-the-dress incident.
Michael Warner, a 58-year-old machine shop owner, had a long history of alcoholism, but couldn't ingest alcohol by mouth because of painful medical problems with his throat, said Lake Jackson police detective Robert Turner. The enema was a way he could become intoxicated without drinking alcohol, Turner said.
"I heard of this kind of thing in mortuary school in 1970, but this is the first time I've ever heard of someone actually doing it," Turner said.
He said: "From what I understand, it's a lifetime achievement award, which is completely and utterly surreal, considering I'm 30 years old.
What he meant to say: "From what I understand, which isn't too much, it's a lifetime achievement award, which is completely and utterly f*cked, considering I'm 30 years old and look like I'm 15. I'd love to know what those Californian Film Festival judges are smokin' because I want some."
Girl thrown through basket. Dude, it's nuts. I can't believe they put her through that. Goes to show you that you can get a girl to do anything, unless you're rick. Thanks to jm, by way of Berlin for all of this. It's the intro video from this post. I enjoy the way the guys are celebrating while the girl nurses her concussion.
Why don't more companies glom onto the whole '2 months salary' thing? Everyone knows that's how much a wedding ring is supposed to cost, although they should really just measure up the dude's dick and devise a formula that involves the constant ct./in^3. and cut out the middle man, but I digress. If TV makers were like, oh yea, you should spend 2 months salary, 3 if you watch a lot of sports, that would have to go over. Or furniture makers could be like, a couch should cost one month's salary. Anyway, feel free to take this and use it for the forces of good. They could even phrase it like 'well, that's the bare minimum we recommend'.
It came to my attention this weekend (though not anecdotally) that 'only 20% of people have sex on their wedding night'. So, through a bit of sleuthing, it seems that 30% of people don't have sex on their wedding night. While this is a little better, I just can't understand the logic of not getting it on on the first day EVER that every person on earth, up to and including your parents and the pope, says it's cool to get it on. Anyway, just something to keep in mind for those of you planning your big day (and night).
Bigot that called SpongeBob gay says he didn't. He did say there's a sinister pro-homosexual conspiracy behind the video that features cartoon characters singing 'We are family'. Includes obligatory biblical quotes with verse number. Ryan, can you add this guy to the beat-down list?
So in trying to find out why he's Dr Dobson, I came across this:
Although Dobson professes to be a Christian, he continually denies Jesus Christ by adding to His Word the philosophy and false teaching of the world. He, thus, is a type of Antichrist (2 John 7). He transgresses and abides not in the doctrine of Christ. Therefore, the Scripture says he hath not God (2 John 9), and those who bid him well, support him, or sponsor him are partakers of his evil deeds (2 John 11).
New Yorkers enjoy the hooch.Neighborhoods with particularly high rates of excessive drinking include all neighborhoods below 96th Street in Manhattan; Jackson Heights, Elmhurst, and Maspeth in Queens; Brooklyn Heights, Fort Greene and Park Slope in Brooklyn; and northern Staten Island.
Healthiest Readership in the world.Thu Jan 20 2005
Beer fights cancer. Aside from the Modern Drunkard crew, this crew is gonna live longer than anyone. Not sure how valid this study is, but who am I to argue with science? Thanks to brother Bharath for this one.
Ali G escapes potential riot at a rodeo. After telling the crowd he supported America’s war on terrorism, he said, “I hope you kill every man, woman and child in Iraq, down to the lizards ... And may George W. Bush drink the blood of every man, woman and child in Iraq.” He then sang a garbled version of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Thanks to derek for this one.
Ebay Mugging Sale : Any and all monies collected from the sale of this shirt go towards alcohol and the security deposit on my next apartment. Thanks to Philippe for this one. Note: I don't know this person.
Jeff Garcia's girlfriend beat up his ex-girlfriend. Oh yea, and his current girlfriend is playmate of the year. Two of Hine's friends testified they saw DeCesare (current JG Girlfriend) grab a dance pole for support and karate-kick Hine in the head. Capital C Capital F Cat Fight. Campen sent this one in.
A Deer loses a car collision. This is not for the faint of heart, those who like deer, or those who have eaten in the past hour. I just can't believe how the blood got all the way to the back. Thanks to Mr. Rollins for this one.
Canadian dude goes toe to toe with a wolf. And wins. Includes pic of the burises the wolf left. Okay, so this guy decided to run the 3 km back to camp from his shift at the uranium mine. I'd say the wolf can't pick 'em. Thanks to oof for this one. And somebody call Maddox.
When his chance came again, Desjarlais made good. He locked onto the wolf's back and threw his arms around the animal's head, putting it into a headlock.
Somewhere on sportsillustrated.com I came to a link for this http://www.perry-tales.com/ Steve Perry (of the musical "group" Journey) fan fiction. I was looking for a witty title for this, but instead I found this: The Journey Atari Game. Here's where an "Ultra stupid" Category would be useful. Thanks to Derek for all of this.
9. Some pigeons follow roads and turn off at motorway junctions to navigate their way round. 38. Yoda was based on Albert Einstein. 43. In 1911, Pablo Picasso was one of the suspects arrested for the theft of the Mona Lisa. 74. Lasagne has replaced chicken tikka massala as the favourite dish of Britons. Sainsbury's sold 13.9 million lasagne ready meals and just 7.4 million chicken tikka massalas last year. Tesco sold 9.8 million lasagnes and 6.3 million chicken tikka massalas. 96. One in four 16- and 17-year-old girls in the UK is on the contraceptive pill - more than ever before.
Brian Berg - Card Stacker. He holds the Guiness record for tallest free-standing card tower - over 25 ft. Be sure to check out the gallery. Hope his dog tiger doesn't knock him over from behind. That would be some crazy hijinks.
hese slippers are soft and Hygienic; Non-slip grip strips on the soles; Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh; No more bending over to mop up spills; Disposable and biodegradable; Environmentally safe
A C-5 with a cargo load of 270,000 pounds (122,472 kilograms) can fly 2,150 nautical miles, offload, and fly to a second base 500 nautical miles away from the original destination -- all without aerial refueling. With aerial refueling, the aircraft's range is limited only by crew endurance.
Super Hero Unitards. Jacques sent this in, along with an admonishment to also visit the 'active bottoms' section as well as the, and Shek, Blum, I'm looking in your direction, 'wrestling outfits'. Happy freakin' Friday.
Wean Hall is sorry. Scroll down a bit. I'm not sure if they're talking about the election or the architectural abomination aspect, but there ya go. Thanks to Bricker for this one as well. And in related ryan/jb pissing off news, apologies accepted.com.
Three people got Fox a $1.2 million fine. Some Fox show called 'Married by America' got this fine because of suggestive material. The FCC said it got 159 complaints. In fact, it got 90. And those 90 came from 23 people. And all but 3 of those people were just sending copies of the letter from others. What is going on?
Soccer is changing the US for the better. Man, this guy really has it in for the States. Calling praying people a 'freak show' isn't cool any way you slice it. And soccer's growth is great, but I doubt the NFL and MLB are going anywhere anytime soon. It would be like saying the X-Games are going to eliminate the NBA because towns keep building skate parks. Thanks to JT for this one.
Pharmacists refusing to fulfill birth control prescriptions. Jesus Fucking Christ you god damned morons. Take your moral objections and shove them up your fucking corn holes and do your fucking job. If you don't like it, get the fuck out and let someone with two brain cells do it. First the morning after pill and now this? Lemme guess. They still fill viagra prescriptions, though, right? ARRRRRGGG!! If you live in one of the states talking about supporting these ass clowns with legislation, call your local representative.
What, like the back of a Volkswagen?Mon Oct 25 2004
Man fined for putting Shetland pony in a hatchback. While cruelty to animals (well, cute, furry ones anyway) isn't funny, I would really like to see a picture. Thanks to Bricker for this one, who adds Honestly... It's a Shetland... he likes being stuffed back there...
Nine times out of ten, it's an electric razor. One out of ten, it's a dildo. Sometimes it's even a *man*. It's airline policy not to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We gotta se the indefinite article: "*A* dildo". Never *Your* dildo".
When I amputated, I felt every bit of it. It hurt to break the bone, and it certainly hurt to cut the nerve. But cutting the muscle was not as bad. Overall, it was a hundred times worse than any pain I've felt before. It recalibrated what I'd understood pain to be. At the same time, it was also the most beautiful thing I've ever felt.
Larry King: "I'm here with Christopher Reeves who is a strong advocate of stem cell research and is here to demonstrate it's importance." Christopher Reeves: "It is quite important and I'll show you how. You see Larry, I take this fetus and suck out it's stem cells." LK: "How interesting." CR: "Yeah, now I can move this arm." LK: "Amazing!"
State of the GED. The article is sort of interesting, but the stat that caught my eye was the statewide percentage of people who don't have high school diplomas. Over 25% in Mississippi, Kentucky, and Louisianna. That's one in 4. What is going on?
CNET editor says he can drive, talk, e-mail and eat just fine, thanks. As I sit here in an airport wanting to track down everyone responsible for making cell phones a reality, I'm calling bullshit on this assclown and his studies. I'd challenge him to go out on a bicycle sometime. I'm not even talking in traffic. I'm talking somewhere *near* cars. You'll start fearing for your life within 5 minutes, much less actually being in traffic with a Soccer mom in her excursion with the 19 spawn in the back. I gaurantee you, whatever you're talking about in the car can wait. It did 5 years ago. And while I'm at it, no one in the airport wants to hear how important you are, even if you were denied your upgrade. I think I'm gonna make a shirt - Hang Up and Shut Up. Ah well.
Prickly Pear can end your prickly morning. It can help hangovers. I'd like to see a Chaser/Pear face-off. Coordinating taking it 5 hours before drinking would require math, which is hard. Thanks to Eugene for this one.
Origami Godzilla Make and collect them all! I'm making Mothra! Oh, our Japanese penis so small. You American penis so, so big. We no pleasure women at all. You, much pleasure. Thanks to DP, Matt & Trey for this one.
Truck overturns with bees. Can you imagine if this happened in Manhattan? You thought MaCaulay Culkin got it bad in 'My Girl'. Thanks to Andy for the last part there and the link. Thanks to Arjen for the link as well. Dogs, with bees in their mouths, and when they bark, they shoot bees?
Origin of Wings. A somewhat interesting article and timeline. However, it made link status because it explains where the 3 in BW3 comes from. The third W is for 'Weck', which best I can figure, is a bunch of Kaiser Rolls with a water-conrstarch mixture over top and then sprinkled with caraway seeds and pretzel salt. Then you cook it 'till they get crunchy. Almost like a pretzel, I guess. They dropped the third W but kept the acronym.
Eagle snatches a Bear cub. If only they had a video... Reminds me of some special I was watching where a large bird would pick up turtles and then fly really far up and drop them on a large, flat rock to crack the shell.
Food addiction is real. They starved people (most likely fat) for a day and then measured their bodies reaction to a cotton swab "IMPREGNATED" with their favorite food. The subjects reaction was similar to that of a coke head when he gets a whiff of blow. Thanks to sperl for the link and setup.
How to be on 'Cribs'. A little rough language, but really funny. The best ones are definitely the ones where the person breaks as many of these as possible. See: Red Man's place and Stiffler's crib. They also forgot the mandatory Scarface poster / DVD box set and bottle of Krys.
CMU ATM crashes and reboots to WinXP. Of course there were pictures and hacks. Not great ones, but with no keyboard and no internet, a good time was had by all. Thanks to Diebold for making this and the electronic voting machines to be used in the upcoming election.
Get a tattoo and be part of a story. From Burch - The thin line between art and shit just being fucking stupid. My cousin’s word is “leaves”. She got it on her foot. I feel sorry for the people with the words “the” and “a”.
Potato Computer lacks math coprocessor. I'm assuming this is fraud. If you ever hunt down Evan R., be sure to ask him about all the stupid stuff people returned to the Wal-Mart electronics section. Pure comedy. Thanks to That guy for this one.
I found this post by an Anonymous Coward under the Apple news discussion. I'm still laughing, which is making it hard to type. Click ahead for the vulgarity.
"I will not be buying any Apple hardware or software you fucking cocksuckers. You can take that IPod and IRamItUpYourAss. OS X can OSuck my dick. I will take a G4 PowerDump on your PowerBook. QuickTime can QuickBlowMe. iTunes, more like shiteTunes. Expose? I'll Expose my fucking nuts to your chin.
I will be using Linux, XFree86, and Gnome. You Apple cockgobblers can keep taking it up the ass from Panther, or whatever new animal you like beastial anal sex with. Penguins never rape anyone, although they bite if they have to.
Apple is just another company that wishes they were Microsoft, so they can ass-ream you repeatedly with ease. If they had the market share that Microsoft had, they would be ass-fucking you harder and faster than Microsoft is. They already have a small group of willing homosexuals that let them do this to them already. But its not enough. What they want is the whole world to be forced to bend over and take a huge titanium iCock up their rectums."
Spreading Santorum.com Ummm, yea. This is probably the grossest thing you're gonna hear about for a while. Dan Savage has a really funny write-in advice column, and that's where it all began. You heard it here first. Probably not a great idea for work.
McJob is here to stay Along with McMansion and a million other stupid variations. Today's challenge: Come up with a clever variation. I'm going with McMick - the Irish guy that works at McDonald's. And before you pull out the insensitive clod remarks, I'm part Irish. Thanks to JT for this brain buster.
Dad arrested over trick-or-treat rage "He then tossed a small pumpkin through a window, threw another pumpkin at the front door and smashed a bird feeder standing in the front yard, the newspaper reported." As Jim points out, why the bird feeder? What did the birds do to that guy? Thanks Jim.
Hand Sportz - X-treme Hand tricks If you know me, you've probably had the misfortune of watching me spin my pen until you want to puke. And now there's a web site for it. And other crazy tricks. Awesome.
Bus Tips over - in Bus Cam This is so... disturbing. Reminds me of the rocket sled footage they used to show in physics class where they guy's face would completely distort due to the G loads. Thanks to Katie M. for this one.
Man cuts off Big Jim and the Twins for sympathy Not sure how much sympathy this would get you, but hey, you never know. Oh yea - bhendrix.com will be starting ANOTHER network - Cutoff Balls Network (CBN). Which came first, the internet, or the disconnected genitalia?
Pamela Anderson says boycott KFC Does anyone actually care? I might eat more KFC now just for the hell of it. Here's the proper chicken life cycle: Hatch. Eat. Eat. Eat. Get hacked up. Get in my belly. Where's the confusion? Make mine extra crispy.
beta-7.com This site is so bizarre I had to post it. Keep reading it - look at the FAQ and the background. And most definitely check out the videos. I know this has to be fake, but it's soooo much work to fake it all. Thanks to Sperl for this one.
Monkey can control robotic arm with thoughts. This is quite simply, unbelievable. I guess it's not out of the realm of possibility, but I'm just awestruck. Thanks to David D. for this one. This reminds me of this artificial eye article as well as this guy's atrificial vision device with brain implants. And finally, this is like that scene in 'Dave' where he has the two robotic arms with the sensors on his arms and he says, "I caught a fish this big" and the arms go really, really big. And last but not least, it looks like we're not too far away from Star Ship Troopers (the crapy movie, anyway) with fully-functional bionic replacements for lost limbs.
'Honor Killing' gets life sentence. Again, I'll never understand what could be so powerful over a person that they would actually take someone else's life to follow their beliefs. At what point do you stop ignoring that little voice in your head that says 'Hey, maybe this isn't right.' Or do people like this have no voice? Or is the voice saying, 'Yea, he's Christian and he's marrying your daughter. Kill him.' And what causes THAT voice? Argh. I promise more random crap today and tomorrow.
Russian Prison Tattoos "The tattoos are painfully applied with needles and electric shavers, using ink made from urine, soot, and shampoo. Infection from the procedure is frequent, and death not uncommon." Think you're tough? Think again. Take a look at the cathedral tat, and then contemplate how long it took to do that. Heads up - some images probably not safe for work.
| Girl, 5, makes bong in class She brought in her pimp for career day. "No man, see, you're getting air in here. You're gonna have to put some gum around the base or sumthin'." Thanks to Bob for this one.
Suicide planned for concert Suicide is illegal in all 50 states, I believe, but what're you gonna do, put someone in jail? Well, this band is planning a suicide at their next concert by a terminally ill person in order to support physician-assisted suicide. The city is working furiously to make this not legal. This is truly bizarre. Gruesome though it may be, the only way this can stand is if it goes under something like the good samaritan law (think Seinfeld). I don't think there's anything like accessory to suicide laws on the books. Thanks to Burch for this one.